Open Letter to Artie Lange

As my personal friends know, I’m a fan of the Howard Stern show. This week the Stern show had two separate moments that showed just how deep this recession has affected people. First, Howard Stern did a segment of the Mexican Delivery game. Howard typically does this when he has porn stars in. The two in question were Kagney Linn and Tory Lane.

The crux of the game is that Howard Stern orders something to be delivered by a Mexican; I have no idea how he arranges this. He has the delivery man make the delivery in-studio and then gets them on the microphone and offers them a hefty tip or the chance to see the girls naked. In times past, the man making the delivery has gone for the chance at flesh, but that’s not what happened this time around. According to

Howard then welcomed Raoul, the first Mexican delivery guy, to the studio and offered him a $50 tip – or the opportunity to see Tory and Kagney naked. Raoul chose the money, so Howard upped the offer to $50 or a naked hug from Tory (with bonus tit-squeeze).

Again Raoul went with the money. Howard asked Tory what went wrong, and she blamed the translator: “I don’t believe the translator’s telling him [the correct deal].”

The second delivery guy, Hector, said he hadn’t been laid in six months – so Howard had the girls strip down to get him started and offered Hector a $25 tip or the chance to hug, squeeze and slap the girls.

Hector chose the money. Howard was shocked: “The economy has really turned.” Tory got depressed: “Gimme that food.”

Another discussion that really highlighted how hard times have gotten is when Stern show member andĀ comedianĀ Artie Lange discussed his investment performance over the last year. Show co-host Robin Quivers commiserated with Artie that they had both lost a lot of money last year and that neither of them had the courage to open their statements. Artie said that he wanted to liquidate his investments and instead invest in real estate in this down market.

Naturally, I thought I might be able to help Artie place some of his money in an asset class that should perform far better than US real estate over the next few years. So, I sent this email to the Howard Stern Show:

Please forward this to Artie Lange. He mentioned this week that he had lost a lot of money in the stock market and that he was looking to liquidate most of his investments and go into real estate. I’m a wealth manager who saw the crash coming. In fact, I wrote a book about it. I made 25% on my investments last year and I’d love to help Artie manage his money. You can read more about my investment strategies for 2008 at ( I know Artie doesn’t have the inclination to talk much about investments, or read books or articles, so I’m also offering to just sit down with him the next time he gets close to LA or Las Vegas and explain it in person.


Preston Poulter

I don’t expect that much will come of it, but it didn’t cost me anything to make the effort.

One thought on “Open Letter to Artie Lange”

  1. I heard the segment. I couldn’t believe it. $50 tip or a chance to see two major porn stars naked, the guy chose the $50 bucks. Really… There’s a real economic crisis going on, it’s official now.

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